Tonight, I ate my dinner with chopsticks. Those skewers of wood I brought from Tokyo for my mother. Something didn't quite feel right though. Like something wasn't there. That 'something' was me, and 'there' was somewhere in Japan.

I should really write about my last few days in Hirosaki and Tokyo, but I'm not. Granted, they were fun days, but I just didn't feel... well, like the other days. There were no new people to spend time with, no real work to be done, and I kind of missed that.

A few days ago, I posted this on Facebook.

It hit hard. I felt homesick.

I miss Japan. I really, really do. You forever hear phrases like 'post-holiday blues' or 'post-break comedown' or something along those lines. Those 'phrases' have never rung more true.

I miss the hostel room in Ishinomaki; the recording session that we did in there, the jokes about the squat toilets, being woken up to dirty dirty beats.

I miss the nights in the temple in Matsudo, being barefoot on the concrete, how the weather could change mood within a split-second, and just having everyone sat round that big table.

I miss that night where I stayed in a strangers house, and felt like I was leaving home the next morning.

It's the people I miss the most though. I can hardly say a bad word about a single person there. Isami, Momo, Angel, Izumi, Haruna, Emiry, Owli, Setsu, Satoru, Asuka, Aokin, Reimi, so many many more people. If you guys are reading this, thank you. I miss you all very much.

I feel obliged to offer the same to you as you gave me, and that's if you're ever in the UK, I will attempt, even if I suck, to be some form of tour guide if you so need it.

I'm supposed to evaluate this trip somehow, and I don't know where to begin. Yes, I did some work I'm proud of, and yes, I'll probably get an arts award out of it. But I'm sat here right now, with a lump in my throat and... well... a sense of sadness. It hurts to think of those people I met, and realistically, won't see for a very long time.

And that hurts.

And I'll always have things around me, that will bring up these feelings. The new Phoenix album just reminds me of the flight there, the excitement of getting there. Paper fans will never be the paper fans Izumi gave to me, those ones Scattered on top of my wardrobe. Those badges just point towards the floats coming down the river in Ishinomaki.

I suppose this sadness is tinged with happiness though. I have new friends. I love my new friends.

I'll see you guys soon.

This blog is done.